Wednesday, 10 September 2014

When you're down you're down

I have been back in New Zealand for a month now and am sick for the second time. I'm pretty sure my immune system is not 100%. Let me explain. The other day, I had what I thought was a spot on my face and I wiped my face to dry it with a towel and must have scratched it open. It started to bleed like crazy so I stopped it with a bit of tissue paper and carried on. The next day it opened up again and I got a little concerned. After showing it to a friend, she offered me some anti septic cream she had in her bag to put on it which I used. Later at home I was sitting watching TV when I really noticed the spot starting to throb. I figured the anti septic cream was doing it's job but when I looked in the mirror, I could see that it had started to go really angry and red and swell up more than before. I cleaned it out with a bit of boiled water and salt and went to bed early. The next morning I woke up and my face had swelled up considerably on one side and I could feel my glands and throat were swollen and my ear felt a bit blocked. I wasn't quite sure what to do at this stage cos now it was no longer just a spot, it seemed to be developing into something more serious. To see a doctor in New Zealand is quite a costly exercise so I was hesitant to go on a weekend as they charge more so for "after hours" consultations. I figured one more day wouldn't kill me. So I started taking pain killers I'd brought with me from home and felt a bit better. By Sunday (the next day) My face was swollen, my glands the size of golf balls in my neck, the feeling of swallowing razor blades and my ears squelching with each swallow. I went to the chemist to get their thoughts on what could be going on as I felt like I had gotten flu and wasn't sure if it was the now covered sore on my face that was causing the symptoms or if they were unrelated. The chemist looked a bit shocked and said although I seem to be doing alright symptom wise due to taking the pain killers so I wouldn't need to go to emergency but that I should keep a check on my temperature and to go to emergency if anything gets worse and to definitely see a doctor on Monday. My boyfriend kept checking my temperature and although I had been taking something for the fever, I was still quite hot and as soon as I got out of bed, started shivering uncontrollably.

Monday I went to the doctor finally and he confirmed that I had a staph infection that had spread to my blood and caused my flu-like symptoms and that my sore on my face was most probably a boil. This is all set on by stress and being run down so I obviously wasn't doing as well as I thought I was and wasn't as recovered as I thought. So $100 later and a whole bunch of antibiotics and pain killers I am in bed. It is now Wednesday. I am feeling moderately better in that I am not so swollen and last night I had a decent sleep for a change so now I am just ill a not exhaustingly tired. I feel tired but that is more due to being ill and run down but I did have a good sleep last night. I'm not going to get out of bed today and just rest. I don't know if where I'm staying has contributed to my condition. I'm almost 100 sure of it. It's a mouse-infested cesspit filled with too many people that cause me too much irritation and stress. Like now someone has come in and put really loud music on - I'm trying to sleep but there'll be no hope for that now. A-holes. Everything is filthy and nobody seems capable of cleaning up after themselves. Two other people here have gotten quite ill too resulting in a trip to the doctor and a dose of antibiotics. It's not right but right now I have little other choice. My partner and I are desperately searching for a place to move into. This is a temporary situation until we can sort something out but I can honestly say it's not pretty. His flatmate has been giving him shit about me staying there so I've had to make alternate arrangements and this is what I've had to do until we can make a plan. I sure hope something happens soon.

I need my own space and don't want to live with a bunch of inconsiderate strangers any more. It's not good for my mental state. I've given up being sergeant major to them so now the place is just a hole and I saw a mouse run across the kitchen last week and if there's one it means there's more. That's not hygienic and I'm sure whatever germs are floating around here added to my infection. After this stint of staying here, I'm pretty sure I'll have the constitution of an ox. For now I'm trying not to let it all get me down. I have nothing without hope. I know we'll find a place soon and this will be a distant memory. We can go back to normality and eating proper food and somewhere clean to keep it all. I can get back into a routine and start feeling well again and happy. I'm hoping the same for my partner. This has been tough on him too, what with me being away and now not being able to stay with him and the stress of trying to find a new place and all on his dollar cos I have none. It's a rough time and maybe one day we'll look back on it and laugh. Remember when we had to sleep in that stupid single bed? The crappest bed in the world and we didn't cuddle by choice - it was more of a hanging on for dear life so you didn't fall out of bed. He told me he might have a lead on somewhere but he'll chat to me later about it.

I'll try apply for the dreaded V word again next month and see if I'll be allowed to work so I can get a job and ease a LOT of our issues. Once I'm working and earning a wage then we can get a decent place and have money for normal food and be able to relax and enjoy ourselves for a change without all this stress and constant bickering about everything now. We fight because of where I stay and how unhappy I am here and about his living situation and I feel annoyed because I'd trade mine for his in a heart beat. He gets angry when he hears how bad it is here so I'm not allowed to talk about it any more so he doesn't even have a clue. So when he complains about his flat mate showering too early in the morning or twice a day then I think well that's the LEAST of my issues. I'm complaining now because I feel run down and grumpy and some asshat is playing loud music in the room next door and keeps bumping (and disconnecting) the wifi plug but I know it's temporary and will all be a distant memory soon. I'm frustrated because I've been waiting on a V-word for what feels like forever and haven't had a proper job in nearly a year and a half (apart from the little bit of work I did when I went back home). We'll move into our own place soon and then I can focus on being healthy and happy again and getting my little novel together again to apply for the V-word and hopefully they'll finally say yes and I can get working again. YAY!

Monday, 1 September 2014

The Never Ending Pill Cycle

I am tired of this downward spiral of trying to remember to take my pills when not taking them makes you more forgetful. I installed a little pill reminder app on my phone which actually is so annoying, I end up taking my pills before it's beeped. It's like a little subconscious angel on your shoulder. "Take your pills... Take your pills..." And it works too! It's amazing how much technology does for us these days. I am feeling a lot better for it and I am also taking my pills at about the same time every day now which is a bonus. I got the app on the Google Play store and it is called Pill Reminder by RBCT. It's a simple app but does what it needs to do. You set a time and frequency and it pops up every day asking if you've taken your pill. You've got three options: Yes; Remind me Later or I don't need to take a pill today. The remind me later pops up again 5 minutes later and there's no way to change the length of time but it's annoying enough to get you to just take your pills there and then (or in my case before even!) to enable you to just click yes.

I get that it's good to take your pills at the same time every day and to be consistent especially when dealing with hormones but my life has been so upside down, it's been next to impossible for me to have any sort of routine I can rely on. Each day is different and each day turns into each week and they turn into months and the next thing you know, you're down in the dumps and all your hair starts falling out by the fistful. It's very distressing and the stress exacerbates everything too! You just can't win. All I know is you need to take a step back, a deep breath and start over. Take your pills and try remember to take them every day and try take them at the same time everyday and slowly but surely normality will return and your life will regain some sort of order. I am starting to feel the good effects of being back on a pill routine, even if my life hasn't caught up yet. I'm slowly starting to learn that you can't wait for things to be a certain way before you make your move and that sometimes the cart has to go before the horse and the horse will catch up on it's own.

My hair is starting to thicken up and regrow. It's a bit annoying really because now I feel like those penguins with the baby down poking out through their adult feathers as I've got super fluffy hair from all the new regrowth. I've got short little bits sticking out all over the place - it honestly looks like I've cut little chunks out of my hair for no reason. I really need to sort it out but not sure how. Anyone have any ideas for fly away regrowth after hair loss? Apart from that, I am starting to sleep a lot better and the snoring is getting less so I'm feeling a lot more rested after a nights sleep. I did have another knee attack the other night so that hasn't eased up yet. Occasionally I will get a severe stabbing pain in my knee. I'm sure it is thyroid related but not exactly sure how. All I know is it is sudden and hurts like crazy almost having me in tears every time. Moving it or "walking it off" does tend to help but as soon as I get back into bed, it returns and I have to lie in weird and wonderful positions to avoid the pain returning so end up having a really bad nights sleep. It's only happened once since I've been back (09 August) so hoping it will happen less as time goes on. Not sure what causes it or what it even is but I know symptoms of hypothyroidism is joint pain so, for now, I will pin it down to that and see how it goes.